I consider myself to be a pretty level minded person. Having said that, there are many habits that I have seen developing in the youth of Barbados and the Caribbean, that if left unchecked, I believe will do our society more harm that good. So consider this Mumford's public outreach program. Call it me giving back to the community. Trust me, you will thank me for it later.

*clears throat*

1) Contrary to popular belief, and contrary to what you see on television posing with a bottle of White Zinfandel, Johnnie Walker Black and Hennessy does not make you cool, nor will it get you laid. It simply proves that you were dumb enough to pay the outlandish prices that Boatyard will charge. Regardless of how much you paid, Hennessy will always cost around $30US and JW will always cost around the same, so please, stop fooling yourself. It is one thing to do it in jest, but another to perpetually insist that such a pose will elevate your status. The most it will get you is a dance with the ashy foot girl who danced with you because she was thirsty and cheap. Step your game up guys, at LEAST Johnnie Gold or Blue.

2) No matter how nice or endearing it sounds in your head, calling someone 'girlie', 'chica' or even more tackily 'ma bitchez' needs to stop. Not only is it overdone, it also seems like you intentionally attempted to sound like a 13 year old blonde retard who studied English as a second language. As a result all the photo comments that carry such words or phrases need to stop. For the sake of humanity and all that is good. You represent EVERYTHING that has gone wrong with society since XXL bikinis and baconnaise (look it up, trust me)

3) It does not matter how many 'it' people seem to be doing it. Pregnancy is not the new style, nor should it be considered a fad. Furthermore, if you have ever found yourself saying 'I want one', you have a problem that my blog cannot nor will not attempt to fix. A baby is not an accessory nor is it a toy. You probably need to give it more thought than those tacky matching tattoos you got, before you realised you were getting horned, and now try to cover it up with an overcoat of tribal or mickey mouse tattoos. You are made of fail, if you need attention, buy a gold fish or a poodle. After it dies because you neglected it, under/over fed it, or just plain old left it outside in the sun, you will realise you are totally useless and are not fit to baby sit someone's cactus arrangement for a weekend.

4) Piggy backing from the above number, if you have a friend that disappears from both facebook and msn, does not reply to your text messages, or is no longer seen out when she was once the social butterfly. Chances are she is pregnant, or more politically correct 'she get breed'. It is a common cycle that most socialites go through upon finding out that they are preggertz. The initial reaction is 'Omg, what will everyone think of me', 'I cant have people thinking that I am easy!!'. It is then that they will revert to their close circle of friends who they have trusted with their secret. They will wear sweaters in town on the world's hottest day if necessary to hide the seed they swallowed. It is only after they go through a grueling delivery, where they realise that giving birth is like forcing a roast breadfrut through a red fruitee glass bottle will they rejoice that their vagine is still barely functional. After that, a new facebook album will be created entitled something similar to 'My New Budle of Joy'. It is then you will realise that they are not referring to a Nintendo Wii.... but a baby.

5) In addition to point number 4, if said social butterfly all of a sudden finds Jesus, and their few statuses become scripture, its also an indication that they are preggertz, or again 'dem breed'. This serves only to confuses the masses who will wonder 'how did she find Jesus AND a baby?' (no, its not the Messiah, and no it is not divine conception)

6) Posing in a picture with Rihanna and tagging it will not make you famous. You will still be the under-dressed girl with less accessories beside her. Proximity in a picture with her in a grab at fame only works for Negus the 'Love God'. (id like to give a shout out to a man like Gus, who by the way, is google-able)

7) Do not attempt to impose your religion on anyone, photos are still tagged of you at McBrides shake-ur-booty competition. An excuse of a drunken stupor does not exempt you from this rule unless you can prove that it was indeed communion that got you to the point that your panty is now a necklace.

8) Stop going through relationship drama on facebook. No one needs newsfeed to inform everyone that you broke up, then got together again 5 hours later. That simply implies to me that you had make up sex, but he pretty much still is the same jackass he was 6 hours ago. Keep your status as 'in a relationship' and slowly begin the phase out process, such as removal and untagging of joint pictures. However, any sudden movements will create suspicion.

9) If you have more than 25 pictures of the same pose, with the same puckered lipped expression (see attached image), you have a problem. Facebook is not a casting call for America's Next Top Model minus talent.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oTwEGiup_Wo/SKUjx7EeYhI/AAAAAAAACi8/OFEqXycoyhY/s400/Zoolander_.jpg
(sad thing is, he pulls it off better than most of you)

10) Last, but by all means not least, changing your display name to your first name, then your middle name is not becoming, nor is it cool. It simply makes you harder to find, and makes more people click on your name wondering 'who the ass is this person i add', only to stupse when we realise it is you. (doan kill me for this one)